I Am Striking…

Homecoming Day

12 May 2009 Leave a Comment

by Miss Striking in My Striking Life Tags: christian marriage, divorce, marriage, reconcilliation

My husband and I have our own special holiday.  It’s been named “Homecoming Day”.  We celebrate it on the day after Mother’s Day.

Two years ago, on Mother’s Day, we went to church with our children.  We were separated but going to church as a family…in some way we felt it was the right thing for our children to see we had not lost our faith, even though our marriage was not in very good shape.  So we were in church.  The service was so good….it was so good in fact that I had a breakthrough moment.  I realized I was running from my marriage.  I was getting a big settlement check, alimony, child support – and I thought this would make me happy.  In fact, I was making plans for my newfound happiness in another state…as a divorcee.  But during the service God revealed to me that all I would be doing is trading one set of problems for another.  That life on the other side of the fence isn’t always the perfect place that we envisioned.

I broke down.  I cried so hard.  I was ashamed that I was making it so easy to get a divorce.  I hurt for my children.  I was sad that I was going to allow this huge change in our family – a change that they would never forget and that would shape their lives forever.  They would never forget the day their parents got divorced.  I was so devastated.  I went to our pastor and asked him to pray over me.  I told him that I was making the decision to divorce because my husband wouldn’t.  I couldn’t see any other way to fix our marriage.  I went back to my seat and cried even more, the biggest most exhausting tears ever.  My husband sat next to me…speechless.  He hadn’t seen me that way.  Our pastor asked to meet with us the following day.  We agreed.

The next day the three of us talked for about an hour.  I asked the Pastor for permission to divorce.  He said that he didn’t encourage it but that I did have a biblical reason to leave the marriage.  I told him that I was waiting for my husband to make a decision (to come home) and he wasn’t saying anything, he wasn’t asking to come home, he wasn’t saying anything!!!  And in that meeting – he didn’t say anything.  He sat, with such a pained look on his face, I could tell his lips wanted to move but they were pressed together tightly…  Finally…I realized I had to accept that my husband didn’t want me anymore.

After our meeting, we both got in my van and drove to get a drink and talk.  And that was when I got very honest.  I humbled myself and stopped trying to be strong. 

I told him that I wanted so badly to hear that he wanted to come home.  I told him I was sorry that I wasn’t the wife that he wanted or needed.  I told him I knew it was hard for him to tell me he didn’t love me anymore, but that I respected him for being honest.  And lastly, I told him that I loved him.   I said, “I love you and I can be your friend and I don’t have to be your wife to do that.  Me and the girls will be ok, I want you to be ok and to find happiness.  I’m sorry it wasn’t with me.”

I dropped him off at his car and when he got out of the van our eyes met and I said “Goodbye.”  It was a real goodbye.  And a wave of peace came over me.  It was in God’s hands – I had screwed it all up and now I was trusting the Lord to take care of my husband.  He looked at me and I could tell in his face that he knew I had let go of him.  He looked sad but still, no words. 

That night I went home and a burden was lifted.  I was able to smile.   In fact, I laughed with my children and I cleaned house and made a proper dinner for the first time in a long time.  We were preparing to sit down to our meal and I felt as though my heart was, for once, in the right place.

And then the phone rang.  It was my husband.  My husband had something to tell me.  I went upstairs so we could speak in private.  And it was as if the flood gates had opened.  He knew I had let go.  He tried to go back to work and ignore it.  But when he got back to his apartment he became overwhelmed with grief.  And panic.  And fear.  His family was leaving – his wife had wanted him back and he missed his chance.  He fell to his knees and prayed that God would give him the strength to tell me he wanted to come home.  He told me he wanted to come home and would do anything to win me back – that he wanted it all – the good, the bad, everything.  He said he’d spend the rest of his life proving that he was worthy of my forgiveness.  We cried, we shared, and I told him I wanted him to come back home….

The day after Mother’s Day is now our “Homecoming Day” – it was the day he asked to come home and the day that we began to rebuild our marriage.  We have committed our lives to the Lord and it’s gotten so much better with time.  I am happy….we are so blessed.  Every day we learn a new way to honor eachother.  And our family is intact, better than it ever was.  It wasn’t easy….but it was worth it.